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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24104701">Something About The Way You Look At Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellaoftheball/pseuds/bellaoftheball'>bellaoftheball</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Never Have I Ever (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(even tho i know he has his flaws), Attempt at Humor, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Banter, Canon Compliant, Chaptered, Communication, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/M, Family Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Mutual Pining, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Omniscient, Pining, Post Season 1, Post-Canon, Sappy, Second Kiss, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Some angst, Teasing, Texting, Wholesome, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, a little ooc, and i will protect him with my life, could be a oneshot, i love ben gross, like a lot of fluff, no beta reader we die like men, picks up right after season 1 ends, so much pining, these characters are problematic but i love them, this is gonna be slowburn just you wait</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:20:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24104701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellaoftheball/pseuds/bellaoftheball</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So Devi and Ben kissed, what happens next? <br/>Mutual pining, fluff, awkwardness, and everything good (and bad) that comes with a high school relationship ensues<br/>-------------<br/>“So maybe we just take things slow.” Ben said, the words smooth like honey over his tongue. He was proud of himself, not showing how nervous he was on the inside. Not letting his heart completely spill open and onto the floor. He had gotten good at hiding the sheer largeness of his feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>248</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Never Have I Ever...Had My Mom Cut Me Some Slack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everybody, this is my first fic that I've posted but I've also literally been writing fanfics since the dawn of time (or like 6 years ago). I loved this show and I've been looking for a new hobby so I figured I might give this a shot! I want to try and make this a chaptered thing so if you enjoy this please let me know so I have the motivation to continue. That being said, I hope you enjoy reading this fic as much as i loved writing it :) </p>
<p>- Belle </p>
<p>PS. everything in bold is them texting!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Devi pulled away from Ben with astonishing speed as she saw her mother approach Ben's car out of the corner of her eye.She couldn’t help but frown at the loss of the feelings of his lips on hers, but knew that it was better than her mom catching her making out with a boy mere minutes after spreading her dad’s ashes into the sea. To make matters worse, Ben Gross might be the only boy on the planet that Devi’s mom liked, she’s not going to ruin that now. Ben looked at her with his eyebrows raised, clearly confused, but Devi ignored the look as she tried to piece her fragmented thoughts into full sentences. Suddenly, being around Ben made her palms sweaty and caused words to get caught in her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>In a matter of seconds, Ben realized exactly why Devi had pulled away. He let go of her hand- that Devi didn't realize she was holding-but now that they weren't holding hands all she could think about was how good it felt, and he scooted impossibly far from her in his seat. Devi's mom knocked on Ben's door, her face stern yet kinder than usual when addressing her daughter. Her hair was pulled into a tight low bun, a few loose strands of hair flying around her face that she paid no attention to. Devi rolled her eyes in true Devi fashion and pressed her finger on the button in order to roll the car's window down. The breeze makes its way into the car and Devi can feel the slight chill on her legs, she almost regrets wearing shorts. She looks up at her mom expectantly, unsure as to what she is waiting for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Devi, can you please explain to me why you are sitting in a car with a boy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mom says, much more composed then she was down on the beach. Although her words couldn't exactly be described as sweet, the tone underneath it is warm and friendly. Devi isn’t sure if her mom has decided she's going to give her daughter some slack for once in her life, she's afraid of Devi running away again, or if she just liked Ben. Devi didn't have time to contemplate the matter before her mother requested she remove herself from the ‘poor boy’s’ car and come home with her and Kamala. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Devi couldn't help but turn her direction towards Ben, trying to read the emotion on his face which was proving especially hard because Ben was seemingly doing everything in his power to avoid her eyes. She let out a frustrated sigh and reasoned with herself that maybe she should let her mom win this one. Devi turned back to her mother, the slightest indication of a scowl on her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine. But I get to pick what we have for dinner” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Devi's mom shook her head despite the smile on her face and Devi promptly opened the car door and stood up sneaking one last squeeze to Ben's hand and a look that hopefully said ‘text me as soon as you’re home.’ </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See you later Gross” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Devi said through a smile that she tried desperately to suppress, although she guesses that there's no use in pretending that looking at him didn’t make butterflies erupt in her stomach. Devi couldn't bring herself to close the door behind her so her mom closed it gently, not wanting to damage the outrageously expensive car too hard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Devi was dragged towards her family Subaru and away from the beach, she started to comprehend the events of the last couple of hours. Everything was finally something near okay. She had her best friends back, let her dad go, and just kissed a very cute boy. As she sat in the backseat of the car, her fingertips pressed into her cheek as she stared out of the window onto the cars passing next to them she let her thoughts wander back to Ben. She supposed it always came back to Ben. As soon as they arrived, she rushed to her room muttering a weak excuse of, ‘i have to go to the bathroom.’. She barely took any time to soak in the familiar surroundings, instead throwing herself on top of her covers. She closed her eyes and finally allowed herself to really think about him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thought about his hands in her hair and their lips pressed together. She thought about his tongue gliding over teeth and her hand on his chest. She thought about when he tried to kiss her at his party, twice. She thought about how they grew up together always competing, how she stayed up at night thinking about how she was going to kick his ass in math class the next day when she was little, how she still stays up at night thinking about him, and how whenever she won it hurt more because she felt like she had to prove she was better. She thought about every time they’ve ever talked and every time they've ever touched. But she also thought about all of the bad things that had happened, like when he called her an unfuckable nerd and how she said she wished Nazis would kill him. She knew that neither of them had meant those things and she knew that, even before all of this, they would have never done anything to actually hurt each other in any way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then she spent a little bit of time thinking about Paxton, because these things tend to go hand in hand. She thought about the times that he's saved her, about when he kissed her in his car, about when she first talked to him after swim practice. She thought about him and everything they've been through even in the short time they've actually known each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, she realized that she didn't really know him. She couldn't tell you anything about him besides what every single person their age with Instagram knew. Paxton just seemed so unattainable, sure he likes her, but she wasn't convinced that she could ever see him as a person, to her he would always be Paxton HY- the hot guy at her school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Paxton and Ben were completely different. She wasn't going to lie to herself and say that she didn't have any feelings for Paxton, the thought of him still made her head spin, but she knew that she had to actually start making the decisions that were right for her. She needed to work on herself, so she could be a better friend and a better daughter. If her dad was still here he would tell her she needed to focus on what she needed, and what she needed was Ben. She didn't know how, but she knew. Maybe it was something about the way that he had looked at her in the car or how he touched her arm that one time during their 8th-grade dance. It doesn't matter what exactly it is, it doesn't matter what clicked, but the second Devi saw Ben asleep in that car she knew this was it. This is what she was looking for. She's spent so much time looking for things to fill the gaping hole that her dad left in her chest. This whole year, Ben has been the one to fill it, it just took her this long to realize but now that she did she had to make sure she was right. She had to talk to Ben. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, Devi opened her eyes, staring at her ceiling looking for the answers she was so desperately searching for. She turned to her bedside table, picking up her phone where she had abandoned it and desperately typed out the most cohesive attempt at a text to her arch-enemy/new crush. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>“Hey Gross I'm coming to your house”</b>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She figured that was good enough, Ben would pick at her no matter what she texted him but she figured there wasn't really a right thing to say in this situation. Devi took a shaky breath and emerged from her bed, bending over to see herself in the mirror of her vanity and making sure she looked good enough to see someone that she could possibly be kissing in the near future. She smiled at herself, wondering just how she got here and what made her who she is today. Shaking herself out of her weird, self-reflective daze, she raced down the stairs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t plan on waiting for a reply. Then, it dawned on her, she was seeing Ben again, very soon. Even the thought of seeing Ben in real life made her palms sweaty and her entire body antsy, like needed to shift her weight. She needed to calm down, it was just Ben. It's the same Ben who's seen her at her worst and her best, the same Ben who let her live with him even after she rejected him twice in one night. Everything was going to be fine. Devi had almost managed to recompose herself, until she remembered her mother, who was now standing in front of the door, arms crossed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where exactly do you think you’re going?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> Devi was fully prepared to make up an excuse for her mother and rush out of the house, until she realized she had no way to get to Ben’s house. Devi's cheeks flushed realizing she would have to text Ben to pick her up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh, just give me a sec mom” she looked exasperated, but did not put much effort into the expression, and blatantly ignored the jittery feeling lingering in her stomach. She pulled out her phone, glancing at the four messages that he had left her while she had rushed down the stairs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>“David you can't just invite yourself to other people's houses” </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>“God, I assumed your mother taught you basic manners but I guess not” </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>“But seriously, you can come over” </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>“Do you need me to pick you up though?”</b>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Davi smiled as she looked at his texts and texted back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <b>“Yeah, I didn't really think that one through, did I?” </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben responded within seconds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>“Don't worry I’m already like a block away ;)” </b>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Devi’s heart skipped a beat, he had no business sending a winky face and causing her to blush like some sort of boy-crazy teenager-which, in all fairness, is basically who she is, but at least she has a decent personality to make up for it. Devi turned back to her mother, telling her that Fabiola was picking her up for a study night with Eleanor. By the look on Devi's mother’s face she knew that was definitely not where Devi was going, but she figured that it might be time to loosen up her tight grip on Devi just a little bit. Her mom nodded, as her daughter practically skipped out of the door after her phone lit up with a notification. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Closing the door behind her, Devi saw Ben sitting in his car, not unlike he was earlier today. Seeing him made her feel something in her chest that she couldn’t quite name, something warm and floaty. She’d never felt anything like it before, not with Paxton at least. She had a feeling that if things started going well with Ben and their talk went okay, she would start getting pretty familiar with the feeling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that exact moment, Ben met her eyes, smiling one of his cute dorky smiles and Devi's heart melted right out of her chest and onto the sidewalk outside of her house. She walked towards Ben as he got out of the car and practically ran to the other side in order to hold the door open for her like some kind of gentleman. Devi got in the car, her hand brushing against Bens and her cheeks starting to flush from being in his general proximity . Devi didn't know what was gonna happen next, but she figured that she might finally be ready for whatever the world had to offer.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Never Have I Ever...Expected Ben Gross To Be Smooth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everybody, I really wanted to try and get this up today and I did it!!<br/>Anyways i tried to put just a little bit of angst in this chapter but I'm not good at writing anything that isnt pure tooth rotting fluff so we'll see what you guys think of it. </p>
<p>Alsoo this chapter is dedicated to my friend Michelle who really wanted khakis to be included in this chapter,, sorry to disappoint, but their are no khakis :( </p>
<p>I hope you enjoy the chapter because this was a joy to write </p>
<p>- Belle</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Ben started up the car, he placed his hand on Devi’s leg, the pads of his fingertips were pressed into the bare skin just above her knee as he started up the car and buckled his seatbelt with his free hand. Devi had absolutely no idea what she was doing, all of the inklings of confidence she had talked herself into had disappeared into thin air. She was frozen still, her legs pressed together and her posture impeccably straight against the cushy seat she was sitting in.<br/>Devi looked outside of the car window at her surroundings, the trees encircling her house and the leaves changing colors. They started their way along the road to Ben's house with the windows rolled all the way down, allowing the gentle breeze to blow through the car. so that they could feel the fall breeze and so Devi could feel the wind in her hair and on her face. Normally, Devi would have felt relaxed and content with the wind and sun on her face, but, for one, Ben was a painfully leisurely driver and Devi's stomach was tied up in knots from sitting next to him yet again.</p>
<p>Ben slowly slid his hand from the bottom of her thigh to the steering wheel, so he could focus on driving. He smiled at the ghost of goosebumps appearing where his hand used to reside, silently pondering the effect he has on Devi. He pushes the thought aside, saving the information for a later date as he forced his eyes back to the road. The silence hung in the air as Ben drove towards his house. Devi was uncomfortable, to say the least. It wasn't that she was regretting texting Ben or kissing him, but as soon as Ben had placed his hand on her leg she remembered Shira. Devi didn't know what she expected from Ben when she had gotten in the car, but she definitely hadn't expected for him to be as suave as he had been so far. Ben was supposed to be dorky and nerdy and, overall, kind of a mess. She couldn't tell if Ben had always been like this and she had just been neglecting all of his redeemable qualities for so long, or if he had suddenly become ten times cooler than he was yesterday.<br/>At least that was until Ben swerved the car as he was pulling into the driveway,almost hitting the garbage can next to his dad's Porsche. The corners of Devi’s mouth pulled upwards as she let out a small sigh, happy that Ben was still Ben and not some kind of prince charming. He put the car into reverse, parking near the end of the both ridiculously large and ridiculously full driveway. He quickly got out of the car and walked around to Devi’s side of the vehicle, so he could hold the door open just like he did for Shira.</p>
<p>“Madam,"said Ben as he opened the door and stood above her, a smile painted on his red lips and his eyes shining. The phrase wasn’t said in a jokingly formal way, it was oddly normal, as if it was something Ben said on the regular.</p>
<p>Devi's eyes widened as she looked at Ben in confusion trying to read between the lines of his relatively blank expression.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, Ben, I can't tell if this is a joke or if you're being serious.”she chuckled as a shade of pink spread over his cheeks. She climbed out of the car, hands fidgeting with her tie-dye sweatshirt. As much as she didn't want to admit it, the gesture was really sweet. She started to push the thought down, but stopped herself, remembering she was trying to start embracing her emotions.</p>
<p>“Of course I’m being serious,” Ben said it like a question, looking genuinely confused.</p>
<p>“Jesus Christ, you're literally such a dork.”</p>
<p>“Wait- fuck- is that a Shira thing? She made me do all of this weird stuff and, eventually, I kind of got used to doing them. We were dating for so long, it just turned into a habit, I guess.” He pushes a hand through his hair, blushing profusely, “Ohmygod I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing.”</p>
<p>Devi smiled, noticing how adorable Ben looked when he was flustered. “Ben, shut up,” Devi cut Ben off abruptly, leaning in.</p>
<p>Suddenly, they were kissing. He reflexively wove his hands into her hair, the curly tendrils catching on his fingers. He felt as if he could die right then and there, his mouth connected with hers and her hands brushing against his waist. Ben couldn't focus on anything around him but Devi, it was intoxicating being this close to her after so many years. He had been waiting to kiss her since 6th grade when he first saw her walk into their shared history class; he could still remember it as if it were yesterday. This was never the way Ben had expected everything to unfold, but he couldn’t bring himself to take anything back. He couldn’t help but think everything had fallen into place.</p>
<p>Ben noticed that Devi’s hands hung limply at her sides, he realized she probably just didn’t know where to put them. He didn’t think she had ever kissed someone like this. For all he knew, she may have never kissed someone before today. He smiled into the kiss, untangling himself from her hair and taking her hands in his. He guided her hands to his shoulders, Devi secured one around his neck and placed the other on his chest, balling the fabric of his navy polo.<br/>Devi began to slowly pull away, primarily to catch her breath, but also due to the realization that they were kissing in public and she didn’t want to attract any attention from the neighbors.</p>
<p>“Wow.” Ben breathed out, barely able to string together a sentence in any sort of coherent English (or Mandarin). He couldn't help but think about how good she was at this,considering her lack of experience. Before Ben has a chance to comment on it, Devi chuckles, “Who's the unfucklable nerd now?” She said, her eyes glistening in the sunlight as she pulled the strands of hair that had fallen loose back behind her ear, where it belonged.</p>
<p>The words weren't meant to be a jab, but they hit Ben harder then she had intended for them to. He knew that she hadn’t held a grudge against him for what he had said, but he still felt horrible about all of the things he had done in the past to hurt her. He knew that they had both said some things that they have come to regret over the years, but he knew that those words probably stung more than most. Although Devi might not seem it, she wasn't exactly confident in herself, and those words definitely didn’t help the situation. He knew he needed to say something about it now before he let it eat him up inside</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about that Devi,” murmured Ben, catching his hands with hers.</p>
<p>Devi shook her head, “You don't have to be.” She pauses for a moment, contemplating the situation, ““We both said some shitty things.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”<br/>A silence fell over the pair for a few moments. It wasn’t an awkward silence, like the car ride, but a silence that spoke for them. Ben knew this silence was welcome, that it was cleaning their slates so they could start anew. A part of Ben wished that he had met Devi a few months ago, that they hadn’t grown up together, that he could have saved all of his pining and hurt, the unhealthy competition. However, he also realized it was their shared history that made it work. Everything has accumulated to create their unique friendship and Ben would never change that.</p>
<p>“So, Gross what do you say to you actually giving me a real tour this time, instead of trying to make out with me.”</p>
<p>Devi says, lightening the tone of the conversation while pulling Ben to the front door. He slips the key out of his pocket with his free hand, not wanting to lose contact with Devi.</p>
<p>Almost instantaneously after they entered the house, Patty was in the grand foyer asking Ben and Devi if they needed anything. Devi smiled at Patty, which she rarely did around adults, but she genuinely liked Patty. She had been so kind to her when she had stayed at Ben's house. She was always checking up on her, making sure that everything was okay and that she was getting what she needed. She had even offered to watch a movie with Devi if she needed company.<br/>Ben dismissed Patty, but asked if she would mind bringing down the rest of Devi’s possessions that were still lingering around the house. She nodded and excused herself in order to go upstairs.</p>
<p>---------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Within minutes, Ben and Devi found themselves sprawled on one of the many couches in the downstairs area of the mansion. Devi sat with her legs crossed, her encircling the top of a pillow. Ben leaned back into the cushions of the sofa, one foot propped up on the opposite knee. Neither of them really knew how to go about this; they just knew that there was a conversation that was most definitely wanting, needing to be had. <br/>Ben knew that, if he wanted anything to happen between him and Devi, he was going to have to actually talk to her, but his embarrassment and fear of rejection prevented him from speaking up. Devi had already rejected him twice and he didn’t want to feel like he was walking on eggshells around her, but he also didn’t want to ruin what might be the only chance he’ll ever get. He was tempted to wait idly for Devi to break the silence settling in the room. He couldn't help but notice how quiet they had been around one another today.<br/> Usually, when they were together, they always had something to say, some insult or jab to throw at one another, but today everything feels different. Something had shifted deep inside them, it didn't feel unwelcome though, their relationship was changing for the better and both Ben and Devi were more than okay with that.</p>
<p>Devi let out a tentative sigh. She knew that her mother would be requesting her back home sooner rather than later and that they were wasting time by sitting in silence when there were things that were in desperate need of discussion. But, even now, they had to compete, they had to see who would give in first.<br/>She felt fidgety, her fingers darting from pulling at the seams of the cushions to tugging on her clothes. She was caught up in her head trying to figure out the right things to say and how to say them. She wasn't even sure what exactly needed to be said, but she knew there was something- more than something, a lot of things.</p>
<p>Ben looked over at Devi after a few moments, he had tried avoiding eye contact in a futile hope that she would say something, but, alas, he was proven wrong. As he turned, he saw Devi desperately trying to busy her hands, a nervous habit that they both shared. Ben felt his lips turn downward slightly, trying to figure out a way to make her anxiety subside. He knew there was really only one thing he could do, so he put his arm around her, took a deep breath, and finally said the words he couldn’t take back.<br/>“I guess we have some things to talk about don't we?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everybody, I hope you enjoyed this chapter I'm going to try my hardest to update as soon as possible but sometimes its hard to get motivation to write. </p>
<p>speaking of motivation to write, you know what helps with that YOUR SUPPORT please please comment, kudos, share it, do whatever and i will literally marry you (not kidding) and if you wanna come chat or see whats popping in my life follow me on tumblr @beaoftheball :)</p>
<p>- Belle </p>
<p>PS. Y'all were sooo sweet when i posted the first chapter so thanks to each and every one of you</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Never Have I Ever... Talked About My Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everybody,<br/>This chapter took a little longer then expected but it also turned out longer then the others so I'm not too mad about it. I'm actually pretty proud of this chapter and I think im starting to get overly invested in this fic lol. </p>
<p>Also, If you catch any mistakes or typos feel free to tell me :) </p>
<p>Thank you so so so much for all of your love and support so far, enjoy!!!</p>
<p>- Belle </p>
<p>(also I'm looking for a beta reader so if any of you want to volunteer as tribute,, reach out!!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Devi sat up straighter and turned herself to look at Ben in the eyes. He was focused on her, their eyes meeting one another's and Devi felt a pang in her chest. She wanted this to work, and, as quickly things seemed as if they were happening, it all felt strangely natural- probably because there had been so many years leading up to this. It was an odd shift, going from mortal enemies to something like friends to whatever they are now. She couldn't help but think about how long Ben might have liked her. He had tried to kiss her at the party but was that because he had feelings or because he was drunk? Was he even drunk? Did he even like her?</p>
<p>Devi knew she needed to calm down. Of course Ben liked her, at least to some extent; he had kissed her back, twice, and he seemed like he was wanting to have this talk just as much as she did. Scratch that, he definitely wanted to talk about this more then she did. Devi wasn't one for expressing feelings, especially out loud. That's why she was having such a hard time with her therapist, so hard of a time in fact, that her therapist fired her from being a patient.</p>
<p>Ben sensed she was stuck in her head again and shot her a weak smile, but his heart wasn’t in it. She looked at him closely, really looked at him, and knew that it was time to get this over with.<br/>“Okay, so let's start with something simple.” She took a deep breath, she knew that the answer to her question could mean a lot of things and that it was better to start with the thing that might be a tough pill to swallow.</p>
<p>“Did you break up with Shira?”</p>
<p>Ben froze, searching for answers in Devi's brown eyes. He knew that she wasn't going to like what he had to say.</p>
<p>“No.” He exhaled as he spoke, the words coming out in a short quick huff. He was biting the bullet.</p>
<p>It's not that Ben didn't want to break up with Shira, he knows he never really liked her in the first place. But it was harder than it seems to break up with someone. There's never really a right time or place. Whenever he was with Shira, the back of his mind was always yelling at him to just do it, to get it over with, but he didn't want to hurt her. In reality, Ben knew that she didn't give a shit about him, but the part of his head that he had spent months convincing that Shira really liked him was having an oddly hard time coping with the loss. Sure, the relationship was purely materialistic on both of their parts, if he was being honest, but this was still someone he had spent around a year with.</p>
<p>Devi, however, was nothing short of furious. She could feel her anger bubbling to the surface as she spun her head in the opposite direction of Ben. Who did he think he was? He couldn't just play with her feelings like that, Ben couldn't just use her because she was smoking hot and a great kisser!</p>
<p>“Listen, Devi, before you get mad, I can explain. I am going to, I just haven't found the right time yet because we’re never even alone anymore and I don't want to be a douche and do it over text like some middle schooler.”</p>
<p>He paused letting the words, hopefully, sink in. He prayed that Devi would understand and see his side of the story, even though he was well aware that that was not usually Devi’s strong suit.<br/>“I swear, I'm going to though,” He said after a moment, hoping to drive the point home.</p>
<p>Devi let out a sigh. She couldn't help but sympathize with Ben.</p>
<p>“Break up with her right now then.”</p>
<p>The words were meant to be cold and calculated but she couldn't bring herself to put on an act around Ben. He would see right through her, he always has and he always will. However, the words still held weight. They were still strong and isolated. The words still held power and dignity and, from the looks of it, they clearly had an effect on Ben.</p>
<p>“What?” He said, almost taken aback.</p>
<p>His eyes had gone wide and surprised, he expected Devi to get mad, maybe throw something expensive and important. But no, she was still sitting, her eyes noting his every move and her body was almost impossibly still.</p>
<p>“Ben, if you're actually serious about this, you'll break up with her right now.”</p>
<p>Her voice echoed in her ears and she felt a pang of guilt as to how manipulative she felt. She was trying to be a better person, she really was trying, but if Ben was serious about her he would break up with Shira. Devi knew that if she went home and Ben still had a girlfriend- that wasn't her- she wouldn't be able to sleep. Just the thought of it made her curl up her toes against the soft fabric of the couch.</p>
<p>Ben still looked impossibly confused, spluttering, and turning his face into odd expressions. He didn't seem to understand why she was reacting this way.</p>
<p>Devi was exasperated, to say the least. For someone so incredibly smart, he could be so goddamn stupid sometimes. The tone in her voice was still precise and cutting, but her body language started to tell a different story. She was fidgeting and her fingers moved up to her hair, to do something, she wasn't sure exactly what though.<br/>What if Ben didn't want to break up with Shira? What happens then?</p>
<p>She would understand, Shira is beautiful in a way that Devi would never be. Shira was so easy to become infatuated with, through her bubblegum pink sickly sweet smiles and her perfect everything, it was hard not to admire her. And Devi was just Devi.</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>Ben could see her relax, her whole body seemed to slouch back into the couch and her face relaxed from the adorable, yet mildly concerning, face that she was making. It had been something between her focused face and her confident face, but now she exemplified pure unfiltered relief.</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>She couldn't hold back the smile that begged to light up her face. She could practically kiss Ben right now, and she would have, but then she knew she wouldn't have been able to stop. They got through that bump in the road, she was happy.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but first I need you to tell me how you feel about Paxton”</p>
<p>Devi's blood shot up to her cheeks and her face immediately fell. It was the question she had hoped he wouldn't ask, but knew he would. She felt bad knowing that she demanded for Ben to break up with his long term girlfriend, while she was barely over her longtime crush. She decided this time she would be honest and, if Ben couldn't understand that, then maybe it would be best if they ended it before it starts.</p>
<p>“I don't know.”</p>
<p>Ben cocked his head in response, signaling for her to elaborate.</p>
<p>“Well, I liked him for a while so obviously the feelings aren't completely gone.” She refrained from commenting on how he was a sexy piece of meat, because she didn't want yet another understandable reason for Ben to be mad at her.</p>
<p>“But, I can't see myself with anyone except for you right now” she rushed out, mumbling her words and looking down at her feet.</p>
<p>The words felt like a weight off of her chest. She had never realized how good it felt, to be honest with both herself and the people she cared about. Days ago the thought of being genuine made her heartbeat race and her palms to sweat, and, yeah, it was still embarrassing and hard and maybe even a little bit painful, but she was doing it. She mentally patted herself on the back at her improvement, Dr. Ryan would be proud.</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>He reached out to hold her hand. He held onto her tight, like he was afraid of losing her. And some part of his brain thought he would, like she would leave him at any second. Devi shifted her body so that she was closer to him and Ben copied the way that Devi was sitting so their knees pressed into one another's. Devi could feel her bare legs tingle against the feel of the rough material of his pants on her knees. She smiled up at him, desperately wanting to abandon this conversation and spend their time just curled up together, enjoying each other's company. That had to wait; they had so much time and Devi needed to do what was right for her. She had spent so much time making decisions for the wrong reasons and, as much as she really really liked Ben, she knew that she didn't want to rush into this.</p>
<p>“So maybe we just take things slow.”</p>
<p>Ben said the words smooth, like honey flowing over his tongue. He was proud of himself, not showing how nervous he was on the inside. Not letting his heart completely spill open and onto the floor. He had gotten good at hiding the sheer largeness of his feelings.</p>
<p>Devi however, felt incredibly relieved. Ben had taken the thoughts straight from her brain and articulated them perfectly.  She would cling to those words for days. She wanted to take things slow, to let everything play out just the way they should.</p>
<p>“I’d like that”</p>
<p>The sentence came out almost as a whisper- soft and intimate. The tone made Ben's ears turn red and he had to fight the sudden urge to turn his attention to the ground.<br/>There was only one question left in her mind, but she figured she could save that for another day. They had cleared up a lot of things, not everything needed to be magically solved in a day.<br/>Devi’s mind wondered for a moment if she could call this a relationship. She wondered if Ben thought of her as his girlfriend in his mind. She wondered if he still thought of Shira as his girlfriend. She pushed that thought deep down.</p>
<p>Ben took a deep breath in and pulled Devi gently by the hips so that she sat close beside him, her head placed in the crook of his neck. She let out a small yelp as he did so, quickly followed by a giggle- a sound Ben didn't know she was capable of, but now that he did he was obsessed with it.</p>
<p>Devi breathed in Ben's scent, he smelled of sandalwood and something vaguely floral. She took a mental note to praise his choice of cologne later. Suddenly, Devi felt the warm feeling of Ben's breath on her cheek as his lips hovered against the side of her face. He pressed a warm and short kiss to the area of soft skin just above her cheekbone, he could feel the fluttering of Devi’s eyelashes on his own cheek as he slowly pulled away.</p>
<p>Devi’s face flushed as she pulled him impossibly tighter, squeezing him at the abdomen and hiding her face underneath his chin. They stayed there for a few moments in silence, drinking each other in. Neither one wanted to let go and push against the vague bonfires they had set for the both of them.</p>
<p>Ben released his tight grip and untangled himself from her. He stood up, straightening out his clothing and running his hands down his legs, as if to brush them off.<br/>“It's getting late, let's get you home.” He spoke after her his breath, the words coming out husky.</p>
<p>The sound of Ben's voice like that sent a shock down Devi’s spine running down through her arms, she shivered slightly at the feeling. She needed to figure out if Ben had always been this hot. And caring. When did Ben start having emotions?</p>
<p>Devi had so many questions.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’d be good,” She said flatly due to her lack of concentration.</p>
<p>Although she knew they had to go, Devi made no move to stand up. There was something left unsaid, something she needed to say, but she couldn't put her finger on what exactly it was. She thought for a few seconds, going over any loose ties the conversation could have had. There were many, but there were a few words she owed him.</p>
<p>She met his gaze, looking up at him. He felt impossibly tall from this angle, but she still managed to meet his eyes. She looked at him, really looked at him, and she couldn't wait for the days where she started to understand why his beautiful big blue eyes looked so sad.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Ben.”</p>
<p>The words tumbled out of her mouth, there were so many things to thank him for. Only now did she realize how much he cared, she should have seen it sooner. She should have looked into his eyes and seen what she sees now.</p>
<p>Ben shook his head, his arms limp at his sides.</p>
<p>“You don't have to thank me”</p>
<p>Ben didn't realize just how much Devi meant when she said those words. She wasn't big on ‘thank you’s’.</p>
<p>------------------------</p>
<p>Devi slipped out of the car as the sun set behind her. The autumn air was crisp and surprisingly warmer then it had been earlier. She turned around, one arm draping over the frame of the car door. Ben grinned up at her, he smiled so wide that his lips were tight against his teeth. She didn't want to leave and go home, she wanted to stare at Ben's lips as they sat in the front seat of his dad’s car. She wanted to stay with him for hours, she wanted to talk with him until the sun came up. But she knew that wouldn't happen, at least not for a long time.</p>
<p>“I’ll see you tomorrow, Gross.” she leaned over and placed a chaste kiss to his lips. She sighed, sinking into the feeling before pulling away. The kiss was different from all of the others so far, it was short and domestic. She loved it just as much as the others, but for different reasons.</p>
<p>She reluctantly closed the door, shot Ben one last smile, and turned back to her house as he drove away. She walked up the path towards her home, her heart fluttering in her chest and her stomach filled with butterflies. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't see the shadow of her mom peeking out through the curtains of their living room window, a scowl on her face.</p>
<p>Devi practically skipped into the house, her mind racing with millions of thoughts that she couldn't even begin to articulate. But the tremendous joy she felt couldn't even manage to last five seconds before her mother stopped her in the entranceway to her house.</p>
<p>She looked at her mom as closely as she could bear, her mom's face, however, was completely and utterly unreadable. Devi racked her brain for anything that could have happened when she was out. Fear panged in her stomach as she prepared for the worst. But all Nalini did was shake her head with vague disappointment and walk away. The disappointment radiated off of her and Devi could see that she had given up on Devi in her eyes. It stung worse than any argument could.</p>
<p>Devi’s heart sank, she had to explain everything to her mom.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everybody,<br/>I hope you liked this chapter as much as I loved writing it!<br/>I have a couple of things I wanna talk about </p>
<p>1. Please comment, kudo, eat the rich because it means the world to me and its pretty much the thing giving me motivation to write rn </p>
<p>2. Follow me on Tumblr @beaoftheball ! I'm super active and chill on there and also love attention so </p>
<p>3. Im looking for a beta reader, that could be YOU, if you want to help edit and work on my fics with me please reach out to me on tumblr</p>
<p>4. I've been wanting to post my works on tumblr but to do that I want some GIF sets to use as the headings so if you make GIF sets (or know someone who does) please please reach out on tumblr. </p>
<p>As always, I love you all and stay safe,<br/>Belle</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Never Have I Ever...Been Honest With My Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everybody, <br/>Im so so so sorry this took so long, finals and stuff is absolutely killing me ugh. its also a little shorter but i actually really like this chapter. <br/>I love seeing devi with her friends, their characters are just soooo good. </p><p>Okay anyways,<br/> i hope you like this fic as much as i loved writing it.</p><p>- Belle</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Devi sighed as she tossed her backpack over her shoulder and walked out of AP English, her last class of the day. She eyed her friends standing in front of Fabiola’s Jeep waiting for her. She was so glad for the day to be over, it wasn't that her classes were hard or anything, everything was surprisingly manageable, except for the familiar yet crushing weight of guilt weighing down on her. </p><p>She hadn't told Fabiola and Eleanor about Ben. Sure, it was a pretty recent thing and there was no need to tell them every little thing that happened in her life, but it was still gnawing at her.<br/>
Devi had absolutely no idea how they would react, boys had seemed to be a pretty touchy subject when it came to Devi and her friends. </p><p>For all her friends knew, she was still pining after Paxton with big heart eyes waiting for him to finally talk about their kiss. Part of that was true at least, Devi was still thinking about Paxton. He was just so perfect- he was everything that Devi had ever wanted and now she was so close to having it and she had still screwed it up. </p><p>She couldn't bring herself to be particularly mad that she and Paxton weren’t an item, but she wasn't particularly happy about it either. She liked Ben, she really really liked Ben and he made her feel something deep within her that she had never felt with anybody else before, something she certainly didn't feel with Paxton. Still, she felt so unsure of who she wanted to be with. </p><p>She figured it was good her and Ben had agreed to take things slow, but she wondered what that really meant. Couldn't she still talk to Paxton if she wanted to? Did she want to? </p><p>It was all so confusing. </p><p>“Yo, earth to Devi.” said Fabiola as she ran up to meet Devi, slinging her arm around her friend's shoulder. </p><p>Devi shook herself out of the thoughts she had buried herself in, turning towards Fabiola and Eleanor, who had walked up to the courtyard to join her. Devi smiled and as she looked at her friends, she pondered why she had been freaking out about how they would feel about the whole Ben thing. They were good friends, and even if they didn't understand, they would still try to. </p><p>“Yup, I’m all good,” she fastened the other strap of her backpack that was hanging limply on her shoulder. “Let's get our study on!” </p><p>The three girls made their way back down to the parking lot where Fabiolas car was stationed. Eleanor and Devi both climbed into the back seat and Fabiola sat in the front, her hands secured on the drivers wheel ready to pull out from near the school. </p><p>Ever since Fabiola had gotten her license a couple weeks ago, the girls had all agreed that no one would sit in the passenger seat, so they could avoid any more stupid fights between the friend group. </p><p>As the car's engine was ignited, Fabiola turned on the radio in the front of the car. A Top 100 song started blasting through the speakers in the vehicle and Devi and Eleanor found themselves singing along in a very in character fashion. They were both screaming the lyrics at the top of their longs, Devi completely out of key yet enthusiastic and Elenor belting her heart out with an overwhelming amount of passion for a cheesy pop song. </p><p>Fabiola rolled her eyes and kept her focus on the road. </p><p>“So, Devi, how are things going with Paxton?” asked Eleanor after the song came to an end and a commercial started playing. “I haven't heard you talk much about him lately.” </p><p>“Yeah what's going on with all of...” Fabiola took a pause searching for the right word, “that.” </p><p>Devi immediately looked away from the window, focusing her attention on her friends. She wasn't scared to tell them necessarily, it was just so much work. It was hard to explain what exactly had happened because she couldn't even begin to grasp what was going on herself. </p><p>However, she figured that these were her best friends and, even if she didn't have all the answers, they deserved to know what was going on in her life. Plus, she had promised herself (and her therapist) that she was going to do better. She was improving and being honest was a key step in that. </p><p>“So, you know how I'm being honest with you guys now?” Both of the girls nodded. </p><p>Devi took a second to breath, trying to collect everything that had happened in the last week or so into words. </p><p>“Well, I don't really know how I feel about Paxton anymore,” she blurted out. That was the whole truth, she didn't know how she felt about Paxton. </p><p>Devi hated not knowing, she needed to have all of the answers all of the time. The problem with growing up smart was that once she had done good, that was the standard. Now, it was hardwired in her brain that everything she did was in black or white, good or bad, right or wrong.<br/>
Devi needed the right answer. </p><p>She needed to know how she felt about Paxton and about Ben. She needed her feelings to be analytical, but, as much as she wanted them to be, that was not how feelings work.<br/>
“Why?” asked Eleanor, seeming deeply hurt. “I need my modern day Romeo and Juliet to play out between you guys” She whined and me and Fab shot each other knowing looks. </p><p>“Wait, doesn't Romeo and Juliet end with like, everyone dead?” Devi looked sour, she didn't want to die in Eleanors theoretical imaginary reference. </p><p>“Well, I mean, if you overlook that, Romeo and Juliet are kind of like you and Paxton.” She shrugged casually. “Except you’re Romeo and you end up with Rosaline instead of dying.” </p><p>Fabiola smiled knowingly, her eyes still concentrating with laser focus on the road. She figured she should stay out of this one. </p><p>“Who’s Rosaline then?” Devi looked confused and crossed her arms across her chest, the harsh material of her seatbelt jabbing into her arm. </p><p>Eleanor stared at Devi as if she was stupid.</p><p>“Ben, duh.” She said the words casually, like Devi and Ben being a thing was the most obvious fact in the world. </p><p>“Phhft, what do you mean?” Devi said trying to keep her guard up “Me and Ben aren't a thing.”</p><p>Both of her friends looked at her, a deadpan expression on their faces. </p><p>“We literally saw you kissing Ben at your locker yesterday,” stated Fabiola. She didn't look mad, she was just annoyed as to how her friend managed to lie about the simplest things. She turned back to the road figuring it wasn't any of her business. She didn't want to pick fights with Devi, she had just gotten her back. </p><p>Devi felt her ears redden and her face warm as Fabiola spoke. She felt bad for lying but felt even worse that she had gotten caught. Her head hung low in shame, she didn't want her friends to think that she was untrustworthy, but she also didn't know why she just couldn't tell the truth. It made Devi want to scream.  </p><p>“I was gonna tell you guys, I swear.” Pleaded Devi, she didn't want to get into another argument with her friends over the same mistakes. “It's just nothing’s really even happened yet. We’re not official or anything” </p><p>“Look, it's fine. We figured you would tell us when you were ready.” Said Fabiola, she seemed pretty neutral about anything happening between the couple in question. </p><p>“But still I really want to hear about it.” Eleanor adjusted the way she was sitting so she could face Devi directly. Her face was lit up at the idea of Ben and Devi; it was the perfect slowburn enemies to lovers story she could only dream about.</p><p>“I need all the juicy deets about the new Troy and Gabriella of Sherman Oaks High” Continued Eleanor, it all just seemed so perfect to her. </p><p>“Well, fine, what do you want to know?”  She knew she would regret the question as soon as she said it. </p><p>Eleanor rambled on and on for a few minutes, asking a million questions a minute about her and Ben. Both Devi and Fabiola had stopped listening but didn’t dare interrupt the other girl, knowing she would ramble on regardless. </p><p>After a few minutes of being bombarded with questions, Devi broke.</p><p>“Chill girl.” She sounded like her therapist in her head, god, she was going crazy. “Just- what do you want to know?” Before Eleanor even had the chance to say anything Devi cut her off again. “Like, give me one question El.” Eleanor glared at Devi when she heard her nickname but calmed down with her relentless interrogation. </p><p>Eleanor racked her brain trying to figure out which question she most wanted answered, after a moment she settled on one. </p><p>“Does your mom know?” she asked innocently, she wasn't aware of the baggage that question came with. She hadn't even thought about the fact that Devi’s mom would be mad. </p><p>Devi frowned, of course she had to ask that. </p><p>“Yeah, she knows, and she's actually super okay with it.” The girls looked at her happily, glad that her mom might finally be letting Devi have a tiny sliver of freedom. </p><p>“Actually, can we not talk about this anymore?” Devi blurted, seconds before Eleanor was about to ask another question.</p><p>Devi tried to smile and fall back into the conversation her and her best friends were having about the superior snack food, but heart wasn’t in it. </p><p>The truth was that her and her mom hadn't talked in a week since Nalini had caught the couple together. It was tearing Devi apart not having anyone in her family to talk to. Sure, she could talk to Kamala but it just wasn't the same as talking to her mom. When she was with her mom, as annoying as she was, Devi had motivation and strength. Every time her mom tore her down she built Devi back up ten times higher. </p><p>When Devi had gotten back from the beach she thought she had finally understood her mom. She was hard on her daughter, out of love, and. although that wasn't necessarily a great way to raise a child, Devi finally realized that it wasn't her. But all of that went crashing to the ground when Devi’s mom had caught her and Ben kissing outside of their house. </p><p>What was even worse was that Devi’s mom wasn't even mad. She was disappointed. Devi couldn't help but wonder if she was ever going to have a good relationship with her mom or if the next three years she had to spend with her would be lived constantly at each others throats. </p><p>The group finally arrived at Fabiolas house after what had seemed like an incredibly long car ride. Each one of the teens made their way out of the vehicle, taking their backpacks from their feet and hoisting them onto their shoulders. </p><p>The gang made their way up the driveway, towards Fabiola’s suburban house ready to study up a storm for the PSATS.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everybody, <br/>A couple of things to talk about <br/>1.Please please please kudo, comment, and do all those fun youtube things </p><p>2.Im so happy to announce that I have a beta reader!!! Everybody say hi to Crystal cuz shes literally the best person ever in the whole world</p><p>3. Follow me @beaoftheball im literally so fire on there and im super active if you wanna chill with me </p><p>4. Im also super active on discord (im #1020 feel free to send me a friend request) </p><p>5. speaking of discord, theirs a discord server for Never Have I Ever that yall should check out! ( https://discord.com/invite/Vhx2Qcn )  </p><p>6. Finally, Im thinking about also getting started with some other fandoms so let me know what you would want to see!! </p><p>okay that all for now- sorry that was so many announcements </p><p>stay happy n healthy, <br/>belle  </p><p>(oh also comment/dm me movie and show recs pretty plz</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everybody, I hope you enjoyed the fic! I am planning on making this a chaptered thing so PLEASE comment, kudos, bookmark, hit, whatever you wanna do so I can have the motivation in order to write some more chapters. </p>
<p>Im also so open to constructive criticism so if you have any advice or just wanna say hi please free to comment.<br/>I love you all and stay safe,<br/>Belle</p>
<p>also if u wanna follow my tumblr its @beaoftheball</p></blockquote></div></div>
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